Now in 2019, we are all apart of the social media era. No matter how old or young you are, social media will play a part in how you think if you allow it. The more time we spend, scrolling through timelines and feeds of friends, family, associates, colleagues, strangers and celebrities the more unrealistic and extremely high standards we will place on our lives. Setting our own self up for failure. Making ourselves prone to low self esteem, comparing yourself to others, lack of confidence, drive and ambition. In addition, this can open the door to depression. Social media can have you believe that you are not good enough nor ever will be. Watching strangers and distant friends getting married, having kids, or just posting random cute pictures can have you wanting the same life goals as them which leads you to placing life events on a timeline. However, what happens when you want to be married with one kid by the time you are 27 but in present age you are about to turn 30? What happens when what you based off others doesn’t happen to you like it did for them? Social media has become a dangerous tool especially for millennial’s.
Relationship goals huh? I can’t even swim…
You know what I always wondered? Why is every relationship goal photo so clear and crisp but on my new iPhone, I can’t even take a clear picture with just myself or with a few friends. So why is every relationship goals, couples vacation, or random couples day pictures like a full blown photo shoot? After speaking with a few friends in the modeling and photography world, I was told a secret that I am now about to expose. Are you ready for this? Most pictures you see with that “get you a man who will be there for you, love you despite having a serious drug addiction blah blah blah…” saying are STAGED! Most are actual photo shoots for magazines, websites, blogs, business etc… sometime the two people don’t even know each other! Crazy right? So when you see those random memes talking about marriage and couples, just know that the picture may not even be real, so why be jealous of a staged marriage photo. If you find yourself becoming envious over seeing marriage/couple photos, go visit YouTube and type in “couple arguing/fights.” I know this will make you feel a little better, lol.
So let me get to my point. Of course social media will ALWAYS be around. I would not recommend someone to take themselves away from social media 100% because social media can keep you in the loop of current events which everyone needs to know. In addition, it can be very entertaining to just sit and watch funny videos about people throwing cheese on their kids faces. Social media can be a good thing if you utilize it’s powers in a positive way. You stay in the loop and grow with the generations. No matter how young or old you are you NEED to stay up with current events. Sites like Facebook will keep you up to date on politics, what is going on in other countries, States, national disasters and what is even going on in your back yard. So there is a positive to it. However, it is up to you and your perspective when you go scrolling through your social media. Be conscious of what you look at. If you feel like you’re comparing yourself to others go on a social media hiatus. Back away and hold yourself accountable. It is no greater love than self love and self love is acknowledging you have a issue with social media and finding ways to fix it. We as people need to learn how to fix and heal ourselves. Yes, it is great to have others around to support us through trials but if you learn how to call out your own issues and fix it yourself, you will become undefeatable.
Why even take a picture of you reading? Are you even reading or scrolling through your TL?
When you go out to a event or vacation, it is okay to take pictures here and there to savor those memories. However, set a time during those events/vacations to take pictures. Other than that set time, you should be basking in the event. Observing the scenery, talking to people and love ones, enjoying the ambiance. So many people rather have their phones out than just enjoying what is around them. Most just go to events and places just to boost on social media about where they are. Why do you care if your follows/strangers know that you are sipping a cocktail on the beach in San Diego? That should actually be a peaceful time for you to drink and enjoy the sounds of the beach. Stop seeking validation from people who could care less about where you are and what you are drinking. Be your best self OFF social media. Low key life styles are the more fulfilling. You can go through things in peace. People who post their relationships all over social media risk having to share with social media about the break up.
Stop posting family and friend dramas online for the world to see and laugh at, save that for your family’s group message thread. If you see wrong, report it or help if it safe to do so. Stop pulling out your phones to record and post, especially when it is a crime like a massive group fight. People don’t realize that once you pull out your phone to record others fighting people and you in the background egging on the fight, turns you into an accessory because you did nothing to stop it. However, recording wrong doings such ad in accidents with cars, recording a robbery, stuff like that is always okay because it helps the police/investigators.
Think 5 times about what you are about to post before you post it. If you even have to think about it that many times then… YOU SHOULDN’T POST IT!
It’s time that we as humans lead a healthier lifestyle. Go outside and just smell the air. Back away from the computer/your phone and go out and see the world for yourself. Appreciate what and who is around you because when it’s gone… it’s gone. Don’t allow social media to play you. Phones are cool and can do a lot but you can miss out on what this world has to truly offer and even worse, you miss out on basking in major life events. Just think, some people can’t even see. So don’t take your vision for granted.
After a rough break-up with your ex for any reason, you want to go back and talk to them. You want to ask questions about your relationship. You want to know where it went wrong and how you could have fixed things. Maybe you are hoping that they take you back and everything goes back to normal. Yup, goes back to the wonderful, tragic and toxic relationship you are use to. Do you actually believe that there is a such thing as closure with a ex that you had/have a toxic relationship with?
Closure? What is that?
Closure: the feeling or act of bringing something bad to an end
If you have experienced or are currently experiencing a toxic relationship with a person who you still love, closure will not work in your favor. Closure for you will be like you trapped inside a hamster ball. It just goes around and around and never ending. Asking questions to your partner at this point will have a lot of whys, whens, who and you will just want answers. However, what will you do with those answers? If he or she tells you why they cheated on you, why they no longer love you, why the deceived you, what will you do with those answers? What if they don’t even have the answers for your questions? Will you become angry at them and start a fight? Will you want to cry in front of them? One thing I do know is that you will not be able to walk away and get actual closure.
Getting “closure” and asking questions to someone who cheated on you, lied to you or who you are ultimately ending a relationship with will never give you the peace you think you will get or want. You will go around and around asking the same questions over and over again just to get the same response. No answer they give you will ever be enough because truth is you actually don’t want closure. You don’t want to walk away from someone who you love but deceived you. You want that “closure”discussion to open up your partners eyes to how they hurt you and how they should put a effort into trying to fix the relationship. The truth hurts to admit right?
When the person who you love can do something that they know will hurt you, that is the only answer you will need. Just think about it. Your significant other knows you. They know what makes you tick. They know what you love and they know what you hate. If they can go out, knowing that you are their significant other and cheat on you, entertain others, lie, disrespect you or deceive you then unfortunately, you need to leave them where they are and move on without them.
In situations like that, it is best to let things be what they are and walk away. You reacting, fighting for a closure conversation is pointless. Why would you care how they feel about cheating or lying to you? Shouldn’t your feelings matter first? You are the hurt one! Shouldn’t they want to fight to keep you by doing the right thing the first time? Stop asking for explanations, stop asking for reasons, don’t chase them for answers. Just accept what happened to you. Yes, you got cheated on. Yes, you was deceived. Yes, this person said they loved you and would never do anything to ruin it. This person probably painted a fairy-tale love story in your head. However, you need to gain inner peace and acknowledge that bad things do happen to good people more than often. Staying with them after you found out the wrong they did will only add more problems for the future. People will only do what you allow them to do so if you accept their bad behavior and continue to fight for the relationship, you give the green light on that behavior. You have to have high integrity for yourself not to accept someone treating you like a doormat.
I want you to know that good women and men do get lied to, talked about, mistreated, cheated on, abused and other things too. Never believe that you are too good of a person to never be treated poorly. You will have to accept that as long as we are living that bad things will happen to us. People who you love will disappoint you and it is up to you on how you chose to react. The next time you are ending a relationship where you think you want closure. Think and reflect on what closure is. If you are a good man or woman, the best thing you can do when something devastating happens in your relationship is leave it where it is. You are the prize and they will eventually see that you will not fight for someone who is not worth fighting for. Leaving will forever be hard but staying in a relationship where you are not treated with respect is even harder. So either raise your crown, leave it where it is and take it as a learning lesson or go and get your “closure” and get back into the cycle of disappointment.
Self-Love: noun – regard for one’s own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic).
You know that unconditional love you have for a person, where they could never do anything wrong? Even their flaws are beautiful to you. You buy them everything that they ask for plus a little more. You want to spend all your time with them and would jump at the chance to hang out with them. That person you go and plan your outfit for. The person who you would give your last for just to make sure they are happy. This is the same person that you do not care what others say about them because you love them for who they are and what they offer. They are the total package to you.
If reading the above paragraph you thought about anyone on this earth beside YOURSELF, you need to take a step back from relationships and the dating game because you need to go on a self finding journey and this may take years of singleness and aloneness. I know that sounds scary but truthful as it is, being single is hard! Anything worth having will always be hard. How can you appreciate the good if you don’t want to accept the bad?
For several of you, you may be in a dark place right now. From not wanting to go to work, not wanting to talk to people, not wanting to go out with friends and family and possibly not even wanting to get out of bed because you believe that you will be single forever and no one will ever love you. You spend most of your time comparing yourself to other people on social media and you begin to resent friends and family that are in relationships. Most people in that situation end up dating “A” body (A=any old random waste time ass person) who will use your unhappiness to their advantage. This person will suck you dry and will have you feeling even more alone then being single. However, you will hang on to them no matter how bad they treat you because you just don’t want to be alone.
For the other half of you who are in a dark place, you will just spend your time basking in past good and bad memories. You will want any type of companionship from any body with a pulse. I know it will be hard to admit but the first step in getting better is admitting you do have a problem. If you beg and plead for any old girlfriend or boyfriend, best believe you will get any random person who will cause more harm for you than good.
How can you love someone else when you don’t have enough love to give yourself?
Good Women and Good men see toxic people miles away and they will stir clear of them. If you are constantly down in the dumps about being single and not happy with where you are and who you are, how could you expect someone to value you? Mean as it may sound but you don’t value yourself (yet). A good man/woman, love themselves! They have fun with themselves and are productive with improving and growing into a even better person. If they try to date a person who is in a dark place and doesn’t have self love they will run for their lives. Dating someone who does’t have self love can be toxic. That person will have a lot of insecurities, trust issues, and problems that a good man/woman would not want to deal with. A good man/woman have their standards high due to loving the crap out themselves. Any person who wants to come with unresolved issues, extra baggage, negative energy will cause that good man/woman to want to walk away from them. They want to keep their energy positive and anyone who will risk their good vibes, will be cut off before anything begins. Good men/women know that if they want something real, they can’t entertain what’s temporary. Good men/woman want to marry other good men/women.
You can’t bleed on someone else and expect them to stick around.
Now that we know this, lets begin this journey of you finding love in yourself. Following the guide below can lead to a healthier and happier single lifestyle that prepares you for your future mate.
Acknowledgment: Remember when I said earlier that the first step in getting better was admitting that you have a problem? Well that is exactly what acknowledgment is. Owning up to the fact that you do have flaws. You have to stop avoiding your truth and be honest with yourself. You will start to believe lies you tell about yourself if you start telling them all the time. From your jobs/careers, relationship flaws, physical features, our personalities, acknowledge that you have flaws!
Admittance leads to Acceptance: Once you admit your truths about your imperfection, you will next have to accept them. Accept that you are not perfect. We all can be doing other things to help us grow and develop but no matter how the pie is sliced, flaws in humans will exists. We as humans will always have flaws and you might as well spend your time embracing them instead of beating yourself up over them. Once you begin to accept your flaws as a part of who you are, you will no longer allow others that poke at your flaws to cause you discomfort. If you can accept your flaws, the company you decide to keep should accept them as well and if they can’t, you need to cut them off. People who constantly call out your flaws that you know about are not beneficial to you and are toxic. CUT.THEM.OFF! Your life will be less drama filled and more peaceful. Just like your future mate, they will not be perfect. They will have flaws that will have you scratching your head sometimes or even upset about. You will have to accept theirs just as they would yours.
Forgiveness: After admitting your flaws and accepting them, You will have to forgive yourself. This ties to beating yourself up. At times, we can be our biggest critics even when no one is even calling out our flaws. What we perceive in our eyes will stand out and have us even paranoid about ourselves such as our bodies or job choices. This will also seep out on to how you perceive others. You will become more judgmental of others, instead of accepting people for who they are. Self forgiveness will be more about setting yourself free from life social restrictions and loving you for your beautiful imperfect self. Void off any negative feedback that you give yourself. Shut down that conversation with yourself and compliment your flaws. For example “I get so loud when I get angry about something but that is because I yell when I am passionate about a subject”. Once you forgive yourself, you open up your world to having more friends and better opportunities come your way.
Appreciation: One thing about life is that you have to appreciate the things that you do have because you could have nothing. The flaws that you have are apart of you. When you appreciate something, you may not love it or even like it but you cherish it because you have what someone else may have. Become grateful for yourself and what you do and don’t offer. What you will lack your future partner will make up for and vice versa but you have to be able to communicate with yourself and others about your truth no matter how imperfect it is. Own up to who you are and love it. If you are over-emotional, own it! If you have a punctuality issue, own it! If you are a bad texter (not a actual word lol) , own it! If you are needy, OWN IT! Communicate and let others know who you are. The best kind of people are the ones who are honest about themselves.
Love: At this stage you will now know, speak on , and appreciate your flaws. Now that you are loving yourself for who you are, it is now time to spend time with yourself. Plan date nights with yourself. Go to the movies. matinees are perfect for this kind of thing because 1) movies are cheaper in the morning. 2) the theater won’t have as many people and 3) there will also be other singles at the movies so you won’t feel weird about sitting in a row all by yourself. After a while, going to the movies by yourself will be natural for you. You can lay across the other seats and get comfortable. I even saw a woman with a blanket and a bottle of wine. 🙂 Make spa treatments. Men and women both need massages and body treatments to relieve the daily tensions that life brings on their bodies. Go out to eat alone. Restaurants who have bars are actually made for singles to go to bar and grab drinks and eat. Also bring your headphones, so you can catch up on some TV shows. Travel alone! There are many safe places that are known for lone men and women travelers. Remember to always do your research on a destination before you travel there alone and always share with a trusted friend or family member the name and location of the hotel/Airbnb that you will be staying in during your time away. No matter what you do, enjoy your own company. It is actually very attractive to other singles when they see someone enjoying their own company. Also it is easy for another single to approach you when you are by yourself.
Remember, Good men/women want a good man/woman and that starts from within. Get to know yourself better and learn what you do and don’t like and be able to express that to others. This will let them know what you are and not willing to put up with in dating or a relationship with them. When you begin to just love yourself, you will weed off all the jerks. However there will be consequences of having self love. You will run off a lot of people! However, this is a good thing because you don’t want to waste your time with people who are not suppose to be around for a lifetime.
How do I walk away from someone who no longer has love for me?
“I am sorry, I just don’t love you like I use to”
What a transforming statement to hear from someone who you currently want to spend the rest of your life with. Even as I read a statement like this, it brings back many memories from my own lovers past. This statement is a hard pill to swallow but you need to take a glass of water and swallow it because this is happening! Many of you probably knew it was going to come but you just didn’t know when. You defiantly wasn’t going to leave them first (even though you know you should). You know that feeling when your body is quaking every time you speak to them? Your heart is beating faster and your voice is trembling. For some, you basically have a full blown anxiety attack but either way you knew it was coming. So now you need to put in your mind that you are about to be SINGLE! I know a few of you may start crying but it is okay to cry right now, it’s fresh. All of your memories together, vacations, meeting their family and friends, having bonds with those same people, all will have to cease to exists. Your exit from the relationship will be hard to do but when someone tells you that they “no longer love you”, it is time to remove yourself from their life before you give them the power to control you, your sanity and your happiness.
I will burst a few of your bubbles and hurt of few of your feelings but I am only doing this because I wish someone was in my face letting me know what I needed to do when a situation like this arose. So let me be your best friend right now and be frank with you. After a betrayal like this one please follow these steps to ensure that you place your self-worth and own happiness over begging someone that doesn’t love you to continue to be with you.
BREATHE
Breathing is one of the things we quickly forget how to do when in the face of adversity despite it being a natural body function. If your significant other has just told you that “I don’t love you any more”, “I never loved you”, or any variation of love, don’t and you, whether or not if it’s in person, over the phone or via text, you need to step away from the conversation and just breathe. If you continue to talk to this person, you will make matters worse! This person will begin to become mean to you and start calling out your flaws. They will continue to say they don’t love you. They will become impatient with you and an impatient person will say anything and I mean ANYTHING to get you off their backs.
On the other hand you may have a person who says the betrayal statement to you and they will listen to you rant on and on about “how they could say such a thing” and “after all we been through how could you say that” statements. You will go in circles and have a lot of unanswered questions that will lead you right back to “how could you?” This person may even attempt to work it out with you. They will continue those vacation plans, go on date nights and hang out with your friends and family but please do not be mistaken. This person will be moving on mentally, emotionally and possibly even physically. Your healing process is now stalled because you think everything is back copacetic. They are communicating with you, even saying I love you but realistically, this person is being deceitful to protect your feelings. This person is also a coward and afraid to own up to their truth and not string you along any further.
Many times when you are betrayed, the actions that follow after can land you in a deeper messed up situation than just walking away. From keying cars, bashing out windows, physically hurting the person, being petty or other things that can have you arrested but what outcome are you expecting when you become violent to the other person? You physically hurt the person, now what? Ya’ll are going to get married? Sure because hurting someone you still love that doesn’t love you is real love (sarcasm if you didn’t catch it). Now you are arrested or even hurt behind someone who doesn’t even love you so why give them that power over you? Walking away gracefully and peacefully will hit them harder than you hitting them with your car.
So before things escalate to a fight or you being strung along because you cannot let go, you need to take multiple steps back and breathe. Take this time to cry, and be alone with your feelings. If you live with them, pack a bag and head to a family members or friends house or even a hotel. Try not to forget anything you will need for a few days or weeks. You also need to take this time to accept that you are going to have to let them go. If you go back and forth with this individual, you will personally hand them over the torch of your happiness and self worth. You will give them the power to control you. They will make you feel weak and meaningless. This is why you do not poke the bear who just said they do not love you. Love yourself FIRST and take some time to gather your thoughts and have a realistic conversation with your brain. If you are religious or spiritual, this is the time to soak your self into the word. This will give you clarity even in the mist of a storm. AGAIN, do not further the conversation after the betrayal statement is said. Walk the hell away. I promise it is for the best. You have the power when you choose to walk away. You will have one up on them if you choose to walk away right after they told you how they felt.
GAIN CLARITY OF THE SITUATION
We all know songs that speak about how love can be blind. When we are in the midst of our relationship and sharing that couple time with friends and family, they will see things that we don’t see, such as red flags that we overlooked. During this step in letting go, you will need to speak with your close friends who knew your significant other and or your parents and siblings who knew your significant other. Ask them questions on what they saw as far as red flags in your relationship that you glanced over. Gain some insight on something that you did not notice about them or yourself. Most of the time people say “I don’t care what my friends and family think about them! I love him/her. She/he is the best thing that ever happened to me!” However, again love can be blind and your close friends and family only want the best for you therefore they would not lie to you just for their health. They do not want to see you miserable. Besides, it would not be about them stating if they like or hate your significant other, it would be about negative behaviors that you over looked while in your relationship. Furthermore, when they tell you what they noticed, listen to them and believe what they are saying. I have seen and been in many situations where soon as someone says something that we don’t like or want to accept about our significant other we go right into the arms of denial. DENY DENY DENY! Unfortunately, you need to own the fact this person made plenty of mistakes that shouldn’t have been brushed off by you. Just think about it… have you ever found yourself justifying his/her bad behaviors? Making statements such as “He didn’t mean to” or “she was just upset”. If so, you missed a red flag that should have caused you to end the relationship then and that could’ve been only 3-4 months into the relationship! Its easier to walk away when it’s only been a few months. You could have been free. However now here we are, years on down the road and 100 mistakes and one broken heart later.
With that being said, gain clarity and open your eyes to what you have been enduring your entire relationship. I know you do not want to hear this now but you will one day appreciate things ending because you were going to be in love and miserable with someone who doesn’t add value to your life and that is too much energy given to the wrong person which is time wasted.
ACCEPTANCE
With clarity brings acceptance. This will be one of the hardest parts along side walking away. Accepting the fact that the relationship is over. You have to accept that your ex is now your ex and that the relationship had to end. You also have to accept that your ex was incapable of loving you correctly which is the easy part. The hard part is accepting your part in prolonging the relationship that should of ended months or even years ago. Acceptance is the same as having accountability for your part in the relationship. Yes, you justified your ex’s negative behavior. Yes, you allowed them to change you. Yes, you allowed them to disrespect you and yes, you allowed them to be the sole reason for your happiness. You forgot about your own happiness. You lost yourself inside of them. You made yourself too available for them. When you depend on someone else to make you happy, you set them up for failing. No one knows how to love you like you do.
Why didn’t you take that vacation?
Why didn’t you attend your family and or friends party/gathering?
Why didn’t you try that restaurant you been wanting to try?
Why didn’t you go see that movie you wanted to see at the theater?
If you answered all these questions with the same answer of “My significant other didn’t want to go or couldn’t go” it only means that your source of happiness stemmed from your significant other and that is NOT healthy. You are the only source of your happiness and you need to do what makes you happy without changing for someone else’s plans. Yes, you made a mistake by not leaving the relationship sooner but you are here now and in this moment. You are now a better person because you chose to walked away without fighting or begging. You are now in full control and the ball is in your court. It may not feel like it but you do so accept it.
TO CONTACT OR NOT TO CONTACT
Should I hit them up for them to see my reasons OR should I just move on for something greater to happen? Their control over my happiness OR me owning my happiness? CHOICES
Now that you have taken the time to breathe, gain clarity and accept your part in the relationship, it is now time to make a major decision. If you have gotten through each of the other steps successfully this would mean you have not talked to your “ex” since the day they told you that they no longer loved you. It may take weeks before you get to this point but you need to be level headed and clear minded to make a good decision that both your heart and head agree with.
The decision is to either contact your ex and talk about what happened during the relationship which could lead you back to square one OR you can begin the no contact rule which means you 100% let your ex go and choose not reach out to them no matter what and let them live with their choice. The no contact rule will take a lot of will power and self control. You will have to vow to be obedient to your self and this will also be the beginning of your healing process. The healing process will only begin after acceptance. Most people place time limits on the no contact rule such as 30 days. Others choose a vow to never speak to their ex again unless its by chance such as passing by them in a store. Use your discretion in picking a time frame or all together but just stay focus and maintain your dignity. Each day not talking to them will become harder and harder but if you back track by contacting them, you will have to go back to the beginning of your process which will be acceptance. In addition, you will regret your decision on contacting them so STAY FOCUSED!
SELF CARE
Tell them they can take that bullshit elsewhere Self care, I’m doing me.
Now is the fun part of being single. Taking care of yourself. During this time you will be going through the stages of grief (This will take weeks and even months). So yes, crying is inevitable. Cry your heart out but just don’t contact your ex. I also suggest not listening to music that will make you think about them. No break up songs. Play neutral music if that makes sense.
Spend time going out with your friends and family. Plan a mini vacation for you and a friend or travel by yourself. Go to the spa. Get your hair cut/done. Go get a pedicure/manicure. Go to the movies and restaurants by yourself. Go to the gym. Learn how to have fun on your own. Be your own best friend. When you do this you show yourself that you love you more than anything else and that you are willing to have fun on your own. You will also be prone to dwell on past memories. For example, one night you decide to go out with your girls or the guys and a song comes on that reminds you of your ex. Now you are thinking about him/her. You will have to DISRUPT YOUR DWELLING. Tell yourself to “SHUTUP” in the midst of your thoughts. Even months later, thoughts will still come up but shut them down immediately. Don’t allow your heart to dictate the way you operate. It will land you way back at square one and full of regret.
SELF LOVE
You need to be aware of all your flaws because they make you who you are. When you know who you are, you will never let anyone come between who they want you to be and who you know you are. The ultimate love is for yourself!
After you spend time caring for yourself comes the mature part. Talking about what you just walked away from and what you will not settle for in the next person. During this time you should be talking to your friends and even others in brief of what you been through. I say in brief because you are no longer upset nor mad at your ex. You are no longer afraid to tell the world what you went through without going into details because you accepted the loss as just that, a loss with a lesson. For example, when you finally go on a first date and your date ask you what happened in your previous relationship. You will answer in full so that they understand but briefly such as ” I ignored red flags and sought my happiness inside him/her which set the entire relationship up for failure so the best decision for us was to separate in order to become happy.” See? Short and sweet. If you want to rant on and on about your ex, you are still in the grievance stage and should hold off on dating for a little while longer. During the self love stage you should be able to reflect on your past and talk about the lesson(s) you learned from it.
Furthermore you should be motivating yourself by having some type of daily encouragement such as YouTube videos from people like Derrick Jaxn and T.D Jakes. These daily videos and audio clips will keep you on track and keep you focused on your future. Fall in love with yourself and thank the universe that you are not stuck in a unhealthy relationship. Yes, holidays may pass by and you may be single but just know that you are not dead therefore there are plenty of future holidays that you can look forward to having with a mate.
TIME
Don’t wait for time to heal you. Time does not heal all wounds; only action can do that, so make sure that you cry and laugh all in one day.
Of course with time, wounds will heal but you have to make sure you are backing up time with actions. Go out, laugh, make new memories with old and new friends. Go and pick up a new hobby. Find your niche and throw yourself in it. Do what you know makes you happy and never turn down a night to be with your friends or family. Next thing you know, months have past and you are still alive and happy so that goes to show that the heart break you went through was just a lesson and life does go on.
Give yourself a break. Remember not to beat yourself up. We all make mistakes and wasted time on people we had high expectations for. Accept that you wasted time. Accept that you have all these memories built with someone you will probably never see again. Those memories are now experiences you have and experiences are something you need to become a better you. If you don’t have experiences you don’t grow and everyone needs to grow.
You will get a new bf/gf so just spend time doing the things you want to do and your person will come when you are not even thinking about love. That’s the best kind right? The kind of love that caught you off guard but if you don’t love yourself, how and the hell is anyone else gonna love you (the right way) so start with YOU FIRST!
Before you start reading anything on this blog, I want you to go and get you a glass of wine. It doesn’t matter if you are a man or woman reading this, go and get you some wine! For women you would need to drink one glass (5oz) and for men you would drink two (10oz). The benefits for wine for both women and men are plenty but the main reason I am asking you to drink wine right now is because one, it boost your immune system and I know some of you are probably sick physically right now due to your current “situationship” status so you need this glass or two to give you that boost and feed your body those antioxidants you are missing.
Secondly, you need wine right now because it improves cognitive behaviors. Wine helps improve brain functions!! Crazy right? (Red wine is the best for this but I myself enjoy a good blush wine from time to time) I also know that some of you have your heart in overdrive right now and you are shutting your brain out of the conversation with your heart. We tend to speak from the heart when we are in unhealthy relationships. Therefore we need to improve our brain functions and give our brain a microphone to speak to you right now and understand the truth of your “situationship.” So get up and run to your local store if you don’t have any. Go get that bottle, pour your glass and let’s have this conversation we need to have. It’s okay. I’ll wait!
Raise your Crown 